5 years ago

on Sept 11, five years ago. actually this one should been written on the same day and date. but lack of time, made my shout coming very late. nearly 5 days after the exact date. by the way, on Sept. 11, five years ago, I was in a cab heading toward McDonalds, after touched down to Irbid from Mafraq. we supposed to go straight to my cousin's house but she's still in her class. we turned the plan, and heading to McD. in a cab, when it stop on the traffic light in front of Hassan Sport City, we heard the news on radio. on the first place, i thought it was a joke but the taxi driver smile at me and said "america's at war". not understanding the joke, if it was, i return the smile and keep listening the news. when we touched the restaurant, television which is always on MTV channel has turn into CNN showing the footage of the attack. my god! it was a disaster, dude.

we were heading to my cousin's house then and find out the same footage and coverage was shown on Jordan Ch1, Ch2,Syrian, and Israeli 1 & 2. this is no joke and it's real. then came a news about pentagon also under attacked. by now i can hear a sound of jubilant citizens on the street. i went out to buy some snacks and found out myself trapped on the street with nearly hundreds of Arabs along the street of Irbid, in front of the Economic Faculty gates, dancing, singing and shouting praise for the attack. there's also a kind shop owner who distributed sweets and nuts to the sidewalkers. but it didn't get too long. i take the sweets and get some stuff and return home. there's a phone call from Malaysia asking about the situation. we spent the whole evening watching the news following head to toe report and comments about the attack. my mum ring me up and asked about myself. she told me to cancelled my plan to work in Europe. my late father was also on the phone and told me the same thing. totally frustrated the next day i went back to Mafraq and everything has changed then. i knew the war is on the door. anytime anywhere on mother earth. and when the bastard on White House point his finger to Syeikh Osama, the Arabs world taking a deep breath. a really deep breath. it is far away from home. they will not involved at all. from then on we were following the news every single day waiting for what will happen next. thanks god when one of our friend in the same flat had a sattellite tv and we were introduced to the Al Jazeera News. i still remember watching the channel for the whole day and we were crazy about it until one fine day we decided to take a break and watched Playboy for the weekend.

i fly back to Malaysia on the same day Afghanistan being attacked by the US. i dunno the news until touched down in KL. all the television showing the same image. war in afghanistan. it's kinda memorabilia for Sept 11. the image's returning again. and five years later, i was five years old in this field. working with al jazeera news channel in Astro. doing live translation on tv. a lots of thing happened since then. saddam has falled in Iraq and sentenced to death penalty. afghanistan's broke. the truth about sept. 11 has been raised all over the world and many more. i still remember the moment.

agenda merapu

apa yang kita cari dalam hidup? duit? kemewahan? ilmu? pangkat? aku pun tak tahu apa yang aku nak cari dalam hidup ini. tapi yang penting buat masa sekarang kalau ada jin yang aku lepaskan dari botol kaca tawarkan aku hajat, aku nak satu sahaja, duit USD15 Billion. aku kasitau pada kawan aku dia ketawa, dia tanya aku balik, kenapa 15 billion dollar? malaysia, kau tak mahu? betul jugak tu? orang paling kaya dalam negara ini pun belum tentu ada 15 billion dollar. tapi tidak mengapa, aku masih mahukan jumlah sebanyak itu. kalau aku dapat duit sebanyak itu, aku akan gembira kerana banyak pencarian dalam hidup aku akan bernoktah. impian untuk keluarga, diri sendiri, kerjaya, perniagaan malahan untuk masyarakat juga akan dapat aku capai.

namun berapa ramai umat manusia dapat mencapai impian dalam hidupnya? siapa orang terkaya? Bill Gates? aku rasa dia pun masih punyai impian yang belum tercapai dan yang mungkin mustahil untuk dicapai. jika ada yang berkata dengan duit semua impian akan tercapai, aku rasa ia tidak tepat. ada banyak perkara berkaitan kerohanian yang tidak mungkin dapat dicapai. kau mahukan satu kehidupan yang penuh keredhaan Illahi, walau kau ada sebuah negara, ia tidak mungkin boleh diperolehi. kau mahukan solat tunggang terbalik yang kau lakukan sehari semalam diterima Illahi juga bukannya boleh dijamin dengan wang ringgit. puasa juga bukan dijamin penerimaan markah penuh jika kau punyai bon bernilai jutaan dollar di Bank of Swiss.

Jadi apa yang sebenarnya kita cari? aku rasa bukan duit. bukan kemewahan, bukan kerjaya, pangkat atau pun ilmu tetapi keredhaan Illahi. sekali hidup kau mendapat keredhaan, kesemua yang kau lakukan pasti menjadi. semua impian akan tercapai. tetapi adakah bermakna sekarang ini kehidupan kita tidak diredhai-Nya? atau mungkin ada sesuatu yang tidak kena? ibadat, hubungan hamba dan Tuhan, mahupun hubungan sesama manusia? bagaimana pula dengan dosa-dosa lepas yang kau tidak pernah pohonkan keampunan-Nya? atau dosa sesama manusia? hidup ini sebenarnya satu kerumitan. siapa kata hidup ini mudah? Jeslina Hashim? atau Bill Gates? tanya semula dengan ikhlas pasti mereka katakan hidup ini satu kerumitan. tapi kalau hidup yang berjalan atas landasan Islam yang bukan rigid, aku pasti kehidupan menjadi satu keseronokan. mengambil nikmat dunia seperti kita akan hidup seribu tahun dan mengejar akhirat seperti kita akan mati esok hari.

memang indahnya jika bercakap dan menulis tentang kerohanian. ada ketikanya kita perlu lari seketika dari kebobrokan dunia politik, perang, sektarisme, ideolisme dan sebagainya. hidup memerlukan satu kebebsan. kebebasan untuk berfikir, bersorak, menjerit, menulis, beribadat dan bermacam-macam lagi. enjoi!

completely one month!

yes, completely one month. one month without any thread. one month without any shout. it doesnt mean that i didnt have any idea to write, but i'm totally out of my time. i'm totally buzy. yes i am buzy. but what have i done? nothing! doing nothing meaning a lot of thing. nothing doesnt mean that i'm just laying on my bed or spent 12 hours a day for a food. doing nothing for me is doing a lot of nothing but i got nothing. nothing at all. nothing at all doesnt mean that i dont get anything. if you wanna know, nothing at all meaning i got something but it worthless. totally worthless. do you know what i mean. i'm totally tired as hell, doing a lot of thing but i had nothing at all, finally. zero. zilch. sifar.

by the way i have a lot of unfinished stupidity to shout. i wanna write about FAM and the morons inside, i wanna write about GAMIS leader who used to wrote an open bloody stupid letter to Siti Nurhaliza, i wanna write about money, about Jordan, about Hizbullah and the romantical moment i had in Lebanon eight years ago. a lot of thing. that's why i said i had nothing but nothing. enjoi the photo. it was my playground. see the dino? see ya later.